Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Chasing Sunlight

Sunlight is a rare gift in Oxford for three reasons: we’re very far north, it rains a lot, and even if it’s noon and sunny, the sun is often too low to make it into the narrow stone alleys [1]. So when I do see sunlight, my first instinct is that there’s something wrong with my eyes, and my second instinct is to soak up as much as possible. Others have shared this impulse, according to this very old cartoon which I swear I am not making up; note the caption at bottom:


I wanted to write about my Oxford experiences chasing sunlight and what they’ve taught me about happiness. Recently I was walking down Oxford’s main street when the sun suddenly came out from behind clouds. I found a patch of sunlight and took out the book I’d been reading: The Opposite of Loneliness, by Marina Keegan. Marina was killed in a car crash when she was 22 years old, five days after graduating from Yale, and her parents compiled her unfinished pieces into The Opposite of Loneliness. The story I opened to was about a bunch of people in a submarine that breaks, leaving them trapped at the bottom of the ocean in total darkness. They have food for six months and spend most of the story arguing about whether to commit suicide. I finished this story about all this darkness by an author who died too young and stood there in my tiny patch of sun. I’m a stats nerd so metaphors aren’t my speciality, but even I couldn’t miss the overlapping images here.
The following day, I was sitting in a cafe with my tea studying some data on the Ferguson protests, which was of course depressing, when the sun hit my cheek. Instinctively, I turned and closed my eyes to soak it in. It was so peaceful there, with the tea and the babbling British, thousands of miles from the epicenter of Ferguson’s chaos. I felt very lucky.
These experiences made me wonder: if sunlight makes me so happy, why don’t I go back to California? Two reasons. The first is the famous paper showing that, although people expect the Californian sunshine to make them happier, Californians do not in fact report higher life satisfaction. But the second reason is more interesting: even if I would experience more moment-to-moment happiness in California, that isn’t necessarily a reason to return, because I don’t live to maximize happiness. I should clarify that by “happiness” I’m referring to an emotional state -- “feeling warm and fuzzy”, maybe -- as opposed to a broader philosophical notion of fulfillment/flourishing/eudaimonia. Here are four reasons I don’t think I maximize happiness.
  1. There are other desirable emotions. At Oxford I frequently argue with people who force me to see the world in a new way, and while this feeling isn’t exactly happiness, it’s definitely something I want. I go to cocktail parties at which I’m uncomfortable, but the nervousness I feel preparing to walk into those glittering rooms is also something I want to experience. Ditto with hearing music so beautiful it makes me cry or falling down exhausted after a long hike or getting really angry over something I want to change in the world. There are also positive feelings which require longer-term effort to achieve, like self-respect or a sense of purpose.
  2. Happiness is hard to control. My happiness comes in random bursts, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of cement. My happiest moment today was when I was playing piano and my kitten suddenly jumped up and started playing with the strings (also, when he jumped into my lap and we danced for a while to “Sweet Caroline”. Maybe happiness isn’t that unpredictable: the rule is, get a kitten.) In general it seems frustratingly difficult to manipulate happiness, since things you might think would do it, like winning the lottery or becoming paraplegic, often don’t produce long-term effects.
  3. I work too hard on things which have too small an effect on my happiness. I put hundreds of hours into perfecting a paper, and when it gets published (or rejected) I’m on to the next thing within 5 minutes. I have always been driven not by happiness, but desire -- to know/build/win something new. As an often romantically unsuccessful teenager, I realized that, while I was happier if my crush returned my interest, even unrequited desire could give me something exciting to think about and a reason to wake up in the morning. (Requited desire gets you into bed, but unrequited desire gets you out of it. Jane Austen said this less crudely.) Now that I’m older, I apparently still approach my science like a love-starved teenager.
But just because I am always chasing new things doesn’t mean I should be. Perhaps I push forward to avoid confronting the fact that I’m not happy where I am. My high school had a lot of hypercompetitive, overstressed kids who tried to earn perfect grades so they could go to Harvard so they could go to med school so they could ... and I imagine you’d see a similar effect among Goldman Sachs investment bankers working 90-hour weeks. For my own part, I’ve definitely been lonely on a Friday night and written some code to distract myself. But I’ve also walked out on parties, including several I hosted, because I had some code I wanted to finish; you’re judging me, whatever, but the point is that my desire to code is sincere and not merely a means of denying existential angst. (To continue the love metaphor above, the person in bed next to you, like my habit of coding at parties, may be totally crazy and annoying all your friends, but as long as you sincerely desire them it’s okay.)
Maybe, you say, you’re working really hard so you can maximize your long-term happiness: you’ll achieve some goal and be satisfied. But I’m pretty sure if you gave me a Nobel Prize tomorrow (I prefer medicine but I’ll take peace, physics and, if you really have to, econ) I would wake up the next day and write code.
  1. While I spend almost all my time coding and writing, I feel just as much (or more) happiness doing other things. A few months ago I drove down the California coastline with some friends; by day, we drank beers by the breaking waves, and at night we drank strawberry moonshine and stargazed among the redwoods. (Strawberry moonshine is better than it sounds, and I’m not an alcoholic.) Budgeting $100/day for such an epicurean lifestyle, an average tech worker could spend like eight months a year on vacation. So if I want to maximize my moment-to-moment happiness, there’s no need to go to grad school. A few years ago I did semi-seriously consider this path: I had just eaten a spectacular chocolate chip cookie and had a lovely time with someone I knew I could not seriously date, and heart attacks and heartbreak aside, the pleasures of the moment were seeming pretty good. My plan was to buy a keyboard and drive up and down California playing for tips -- “In the redwoods I'll play Rachmaninoff; by the sea, Debussy. I will eat chocolate chip cookies and foie gras, and at night i'll sleep under the stars...this is a world to be explored by tongue and fingertip, eyes closed, cerebrum sleeping.”
There are pretty obvious responses to this, like “you would get bored” or “just eating cookies and ignoring the world’s problems makes you a bit of an asshole”. The former is just true [2], so let’s talk about the latter. If I can do work that touches the lives of thousands of people, that seems more important than my moment-to-moment happiness, or maybe even the happiness of those close to me. (I have a friend who, on this basis, once vowed not to have children because it would take time from his research.) The most frequent disagreement my boyfriend and I have concerns the fact that I wake up too early; he wants me to stay in bed and talk, and I want to get up and work. But if I can make an essay a little bit better, and thousands or millions of people read it, surely that matters more than whatever conversation we were going to have.
Maybe. But this sounds self-important. If my average reader is like me, they’re reading quickly, so they may totally misinterpret what I say, ignore it even if they understand it, or quickly forget it even if they don’t ignore it. The internet in theory connects you to tons of people, but your capacity to affect each of them is tiny. You really can make a million stars tremble by shaking your fist at the sky (gravity) but we don’t fancy ourselves galactic overlords. Given our impotence at the center of this spiderweb, maybe a little humility is warranted, and some preferential attention to those whose happiness we really do have great power to affect: ourselves and those close to us.
My code always calls me, but I doubt anyone dies wishing they had spent more time coding. And if I stay in bed a little longer, I can walk with my boyfriend to get iced coffee with cream and fresh mint. The air will smell like honeysuckle and the sun will make diamonds through the leaves. In a world where a 22-year-old girl who wrote better than I do can be killed in a car crash, such pleasures do not feel like small things.

Notes:
[1] On average there are 1.7 hours of sunlight / day in December.

[2] I was initially going to argue that lots of people really do just want to drink and relax, as evidenced by their retirement plans, but the suggestions I found for “things to do when you retire” suggest that even in old age, people want more than Miami and Mai Tais.

40 comments:

  1. I just wrote an entire comment and clicked on preview. The text disappeared and I simply do not have the time to replace that. In any case I was praising you for being the first to study Times comments and saw you at Kristof. Will copy this brief comment to make sure it does not get lost. Only-NeverInSweden.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, I hate it when that happens. Thanks very much!

      Delete
  2. Emma, You have my congratulations on being a women who can be herself and hold heart and soul towards our Sun. Thanks for all your time/efforts. Blessings, Jean

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awesome post! Quality check is an essential aspect of developing content. Checking the quality of the content includes determining grammatical and punctuation errors, identifying plagiarism, and rechecking the facts.
    quality check services
    professional video lectures

    ReplyDelete
  5. Instantly play free online games, including solitaire, mahjong, hidden object, word, casino, card, and puzzle games. Play on your computer, tablet, or phone.

    pogo games sign in |
    www.pogo.com games |

    ReplyDelete
  6. For Venmo, QuickBooks, and yahoo mail login errors.

    venmo login |
    quickbooks login |
    yahoo mail login |

    ReplyDelete
  7. mywifiext.net is a default web address for Netgear wifi extender setup. If you are unable to access mywifiext setup or www.mywifiext.net login page then our experts can guide you and help you to setup your WiFi range extender.

    Connect your Netgear extender to the router. Run the web browser and visit Netgear default IP 192.168.1.250. You land on the Netgear extender setup webpage.
    Netgear_ext

    ReplyDelete
  8. Overview of Alexa Troubleshooting Guide
    On the web page, you find almost complete Alexa Troubleshooting tips. If, at any point or issue, you find yourself in difficulty while troubleshooting Alexa? Then, don’t be fret! Contact our experts or chat with them anytime. We are here, 24*7.

    General, WIFI, and Bluetooth Alexa and Amazon Echo Troubleshooting

    Download the Alexa app
    Set up Your Echo
    What does the light on your Echo device mean?
    Update the WIFI Settings for your Echo device
    Pair or Unpair your phone or Bluetooth speaker to your echo device
    Device Software and Hardware Alexa Troubleshooting

    Alexa Device Software Versions
    Check Your Echo Device’s Software Version
    Update the Software on Your Echo Device
    Change Your Echo Device’s Name

    ReplyDelete
  9. extender.linksys.setup URL is used to execute web-based Linksys extender setup page. WIFI extenders are specially designed to remove and strengthen your dead network spots and home wireless network, respectively. The WIFI boosters amplify the wireless signals received from the existing home WIFI router and retransmit them in boosted form. Thus, the WIFI signals strength increases in almost every corner of your home or workplace.

    Important Point: The above-mentioned steps are for non-configured WIFI range extenders. In case your Linksys range extender is already configured, then refer our next section.

    ReplyDelete
  10. We, fixprintersetup.com are one of the leading third-party printer assistance providers throughout globe. All the images, trademarks, and logos are used for educational purpose only. We provide support only on customers’ requests or demand.

    HP Printer Support
    Canon Printer Support
    Epson Printer Support
    Brother Printer Support
    Lexmark Printer Support

    ReplyDelete

  11. mcafee.com/activate - Find the McAfee antivirus download, install & activation steps. Enter McAfee activate code and get started at www.mcafee.com/activate.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great thanks for sharing it had been very informative blog. A useful wording may be a good way to spotlight the many aspects of the subject keep it up. pluto.tv/activate | Netflix Party

    ReplyDelete
  13. For instant charles schwab login, go to the official page of #CharlesSchwab and tap on the “Log In” option. Then, enter your User ID and password for login.

    ReplyDelete
  14. quickbooks login makes online accounting easy. Log in to your QuickBooks Online account to keep track of the money you spend and to see how much money you are making.
    quickbooks unrecoverable error |
    quickbooks error 3371 |

    ReplyDelete
  15. With the opening of the Indian Economy to the world, the Indian Pharmaceutical Industry, by virtue of its inherent strength of a large pool of scientific community, massive manpower, and cheap labor, was poised to become a Pharma franchise Super Power. In order to achieve this goal in the global pharmaceutical companies, it was imperative that Indian companies upgrade technology, adopt stringent quality control procedures, and evolve a culture of living up to strict delivery schedules. In an effort to produce quality medicines at affordable prices, most modern plant and machinery backed with a highly skilled team of professionals have been put in place at Casca Remedies Pvt ltd, which was incorporated in 1988 in Ambala Cantt, and since then we have grown from a little two-man operation to fully functional state-of-the-art facility Third Party Manufacturing pharma Company In India, using the latest machinery, equipment, and testing instruments.
    PCD Pharma franchise
    Casca Remedies pvt ltd
    Casca Remedies
    Third Party Manufacturing
    Pharma franchise

    ReplyDelete
  16. AOL email hacked .If you discover that your email account has been compromised, the primary thing you ought to do is Reset AOL Password. then return to the mail settings you made. Also, use two-factor authentication and do not forget to vary the account recovery option.

    ReplyDelete
  17. "Hey, This is Evans. Coinbase API Key can be thought of as a username that is generated to allow data access. In this case, the exchange generates the Coinbase Pro API, which you then pass on to another application. Based on the permissions you grant, the application will then import your data.
    Finding your Coinbase API Key. https://usacryptowallet.com/how-to-create-coinbase-api-key/"

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey, This is Jack. If you are facing a problem in login in or Sign In Wells Fargo Bank App, you are at the right place. Get the quick and easy steps to access the Wells Fargo login account without any interruptions, make sure you access the account the right way as directed by the team of professionals or the support team. To know more about Wells Fargo Login

    ReplyDelete
  19. Complete Trend Micro Activation from www.trendmicro.com/activate using the product key. Enter your activation code and sign in to download its products. Make sure you accept the Trend micro license Agreement you receive on www.trendmicro/activate to register your product securely. Use your Trend Micro license to protect several computers with the Trend Micro security program.


    ReplyDelete
  20. Crypto login - The Best Place to Buy, Sell, and Pay with Cryptocurrency
    Crypto Login

    ReplyDelete
  21. canon.com/ijsetup is a website to download Canon printer drivers, you can also visit canonsetup-canon.com/ijsetup website for same.Some factors need to be in mind while choosing an inkjet printer for you. Later, you can easily set up your Canon printer through drivers from canon.com/ijsetup, wireless connection, USB, and a few components. The setup process for every Canon model is almost similar, however the download through http //ij.start.cannon or https //ij.start.cannon and installation process may differ.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This is a topic which is near to my heart... Cheers!
    Exactly where are your contact details though? 토토사이트

    ReplyDelete
  23. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this
    write-up and also the rest of the site is very good. 바카라사이트

    ReplyDelete
  24. Thank you so much. Great work all around, keep sharing more informative content like this. Some users report that even after configuring the Wavlink extender in a proper way using Wavlink login password, their device is not working for them the way they expected.

    ReplyDelete
  25. TYSM ! Such a valuable post, keep sharing more informational blog with us. You may need to connect the devices when you are trying to do the Wavlink WiFi extender setup or after you are done with the setup and relocating the extender to a new place.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Accessing the network of the Comfast wireless range extender is the topmost thing that you need to do if you want to execute the Comfast setup process. However, in case the network name of your extender is now showing up, then there is no way through which you be able to access the network of your device thereby failing to set it up. read on

    ReplyDelete
  28. You need not reset your Nighthawk device and set it up from scratch if you know the mistakes to avoid during the Netgear Nighthawk Router Login process.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I got a Netgear wireless range router installed using the nighthawk app at my home in the hope of getting seamless internet access in my home.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Nowadays, having a constant and reliable home network is very necessary especially when we work more at home and have multiple numbers of devices to connect. In order to get the fast blazing internet speed for home, you can go with the Netgear router which is very popular around the world. It is known for its best features that enhance the internet experience of the users. You can easily configure this router by performing routerlogin.net setup.

    ReplyDelete
  31. A million users across the globe are going through a rough patch with Netgear EX2700 WiFi connectivity issues. If you are also being bothered by Netgear_ext connectivity issues, then fret not! The troubleshooting steps mentioned in this post will help you fix WiFi connectivity problems with your WiFi EX2700 extender. So, read on.

    ReplyDelete